There was an old man of Darjeeling
Who boarded a bus at Ealing.
It said on the door,
“Don’t Spit On the Floor,”
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.
A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny:
“A canner can can
Any thing that he can
But a canner can’t can a can, can he?”
There once was a lady from Guam,
Who said, "Now the sea is so calm
I will swim, for a lark";
But she met with a shark.
Let us now sing the ninetieth psalm.
There once was an old man of Lyme.
Who married three wives at a time;
When asked, "Why a third?"
He replied, "One's absurd!
And bigamy, sir, is a crime."
William Cosmo Monkhouse
The star of "Anne Frank" was erratic,
And the critics were less than ecstatic --
Her acting so grim,
When the Germans marched in,
Cried the audience, "SHE'S IN THE ATTIC!"
A major, with wonderful force,
Called out in Hyde Park for a horse.
All the flowers looked round,
But no horse could be found;
So he just rhododendron, of course.
There was a young man of Nepal
Who had a mathematical ball
The cube of its weight
Times pi, minus eight,
Was four thirds of the root of **** all.
There was an old woman of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They came back from the ride
With the woman inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
There was a young man so benighted,
He never knew when he was slighted;
He would go to a party,
And eat just as hearty,
As if he'd been really invited.
There was an old man in a hearse,
Who murmured, "This might have been worse;
Of course the expense
Is simply immense,
But it doesn't come out of my purse."